i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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