i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
