i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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