My first STD was from a foam party
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
