I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
