forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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