I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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