I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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