you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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