accomplished twins. life is a go
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
