I just saw a hot homeless man
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
