True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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