Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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