yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
