I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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