Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
