I will die if light touches me.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
