if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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