my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
