He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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