College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
