Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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