I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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