You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
