When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
