Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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