just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
