God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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