we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
