we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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