I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What a dumb baby whore.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
