I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
