Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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