Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
