How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
