There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
