remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
