Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
