What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
