i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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