i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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