i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
