so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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