So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
