I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
