even my farts smell like vagina
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
