normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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