Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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