A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
