What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize