she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
