if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
