I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
