That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
