listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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