Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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