how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
