Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
