I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
