it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
