ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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