I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
