Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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