I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
