just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
